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A New Way Not To Bet 20/09/2008

TABCORP (otherwise known as Totally Against Betting Conveniently Online Rabble Productions ) is proud to promote its brand spanking new, state of the art , cutting edge website.

TABCORP does acknowledge there have been a few teething problems - mainly due to complex technical issues such as a lack of power points (which necessitates unplugging the system every time someone at TABCORP wants an afternoon cuppa, or needs to charge up their mobile). Our highly trained technical team are looking into all other outstanding issues, and are closely investigating the most likely cause for the poor performance, being temporary black holes caused by the Swiss atom collider.

The site does look wonderful though, so we do wish people would spend more time sitting back and admiring and gasping at its wondrous beauty rather than actually trying to use it.

To avoid frustration, and to enhance their online betting experience customers should be aware of the following limitations and unintended special features :

- Please bet early to avoid disappointment
For instance for the Melbourne Cup, which is now only 6 weeks or so away, why not place a bet in the wee hours of Sunday morning this weekend and avoid the rush ? Then you can start on your Christmas cards, and 2009 tax return. Else simply mail us your bets in a stamped self addressed envelope and we will send your ticket back to you – it’s much faster - really.

- Bonus spills’n’thrills.
Get more excitement for your punting dollar, instead of the couple of minutes of excitement whilst the race is actually on, you now have those extra minutes of adrenaline pumping after you click on the SUBMIT button wondering if the bet is actually going to get on at all. Just adds to the suspense and mystery of your raceday experience.

- Back in 5 mins
If the “Back in 5 mins” error sign appears it means we have just nicked down the street for a tick to grab a sandwich. Be back soon.

TAB 2008

- Form an orderly queue
The site is actually only designed to allow one customer to bet at a time, so if you could please wait your turn it would be appreciated.

- Mutli lingual options
Please remember you can bet in Spanish if you wish. Not sure why, but please note, you can bet in Spanish. Senorita Waterhouse must be impressed.

- Healthy Lifestyles
For the benefit of our customers, please use the time waiting for the site to refresh to better you health. We will send through a set of muscle toning exercises to do whilst you are waiting to place a bet.

Just a reminder, please no smoking whilst on the internet site, and remember to remove your motorcycle helmet before betting (unless it’s required for vigorous head smashing on the desk when you can’t get your bet on yet again).

Seriously, though for those of you at wits ends, here are some handy hints for surviving Spring :

WA TAB Site :
WA TAB pools are combined with Victoria for Win/Place, Trifecta and Quadrella betting. This means you can get odds updates (e.g. quaddie approximates) and dividends from the Victorian TAB pool, when the TABCORP site is not working (notice we said “when” – how optimistic)

Apart from offering better odds and the ability to back/lay a horse, BETFAIR also allows you to bet into the Tasmanian Tote pool, which is part of the Victorian TAB pool. So you can sneak through BETFAIR and get your bets on through the back door.. Plus they offer a $50 bet on sign up.

TAB 2008

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