- In 1995 there were lots of small, subtle Asiatic monikers on shoulders and other unobtrusive body parts.

- In 1998 butterflies & roses began to appear on women's ankles.

- Last year there were green and red dragons distastefully displayed on upper arms.

- Most likely place to find tatts on Thursday was on knuckles.

The 'nasal membrane destroying' odour in the gents was NOT some "funky new Tommy Hilfiger fragrance".

Many gentlemen seemed to have confused the functions of the wash basin & the urinal. Yes - someone actually washed their hands in the 'canal'.

No - I do not want to hear 'great tales of racing woe' from the drunken idiot in the tote line behind me.

No - I do not want to smell 'great tales of racing woe' from the drunken idiot in the tote line behind me (although Tooheys New is a little softer on the nose than VB).

Never, ever, ever, organise to meet at "the Peter's Ice Cream Caravan on the lawn". There's about twenty of them & they're mobile.

Have a really good think before taking the freebie sample food being handed out on the station in the late afternoon. I'm tipping that they hadn't seen a fridge since Derby Day.