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Turf Deli Spring Racing Carnival - Melbourne Cup
Melbourne Cup 2000 - Preview - Stop The Nation 07/11/00

Well its here again
- the race that stops the nation
- the race that quite often stops the TAB computer system

The Melbourne Cup is of course a great advertisement for Australia, beamed into 3 trillion homes worldwide. The actual people in these homes are either fast asleep (being the middle of the night), or busy watching one of the other 79 channels they have, like indulging in repeats of the ‘Six Million Dollar Man” and are thus totally unaware of the significance of the little horsie race on the ‘Obscure Events from the Other Side of the World’ channel.

This year we were going to go through the Cup field and give every runner a comment. Unfortunately, we got pipped at the post on this one, with someone doing exactly the same in the Sunday Age yesterday. We swear we started this last week, and thanks to the Turf Deli elves who helped with some much needed ideas. So in a fit of disillusionment we are just going to do form comments on a couple of runners (OK - it was too hard and I gave up).

The Cup Field

1 - Enzeli : One of the much over hyped and usually extremely useless overseas stayers. They love to bring them down here when they are past their best, and then flog them off to someone locally so they don’t need to pay to take them home again. Lloyd Williams is the lucky buyer this year, as he worked out that the whole concept of having to buy lots of young horses, pay for their feed, develop and prepare them over many years in the hope that one is good enough to run in the Cup was a crock, and its much easier to go for the “here’s one we prepared earlier” option. Boo… Hiss… -the evil villian of the field.

2 - Far Cry : Overseas horse. Half brother to Far Kew. Estimated time for some yahoo in the crowd to start yelling “Hey, Far Cry - Far Kew !!” when he looses all his money on this is 4.7 seconds.

3 - Arctic Owl : The reports this week is that this Pom has quite enjoyed his trip down under, the beach, the weather, the trip to the street where Neighbours is filmed. Race ?? There’s a race ?

4 - Diatribe : The main danger. He did it for us in the Caulfield Cup and may make it a Grand Slam.

5 - Freemason : Quite obviously, you are about to get a gag about the secret society. Watch out in the mounting yard before hand to see which horses he gives a knowing wink to - these will be the ones that run the trifecta.

6 - Lightning Arrow : Another overseas horse. “Lightning” and “Arrow” both suggesting that this guy is a speedy customer. If that’s true, then Turf Deli is changing his name to Ace Studley.

7 - Second Coming : A very predictable religious gag - the odds are better about an actual Second Coming, than this guy winning the cup.

8 - Coco Cobanna : The obligatory Barry Manilow reference is coming. The hopes of Barry Manilow fans Australia wide are resting with this one (never underestimate the betting power of the Barry Manilow fan). Actually, watch how short this starts on the TAB compared with the bookmakers cause all the once a year punters jump on the one with the funny name.

9 - Kaapstad Way : No need to make fun of this name cause he is going to win for us. Our knight in shining armour, or in this case, pink, turquoise, latticed arm bands and a crossed cap.

10 - Maridpour : Quite possibly one of the worst horses to run in the Cup for many years. The main interest to see if he can get to longer than 500-1.

12 - Yippyio : Half brother to “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi). If this one wins, the estimated time for some legend in the crowd to start a “Yippy Yippy Yippy, YO, YO, YO) is 8.75 seconds. Another who will start under its real odds on the tote because of its cute name.

23 - Maguire : Will be looking to phone a friend at the top of the straight.

24 - Brew : The light weight chance. When they say that it actually means your wallet will be a lot lighter when it does not win.

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