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Turf Deli Spring Racing Carnival - $700 Billion Dollar Give Away
Turf Deli $700 Billion Dollar Give Away 04/10/2008

A long time Turf Deli subscriber, a Mr Bush, has written to us this week asking for advice regarding debt management and investments.

He writes :

Dear Turf Deli,
Recently some good friends of mine have got themselves into some financial troubles in the stock market.
Can you help ? What do I do? And who do you fancy for the Cup?

Of course, George, no problem, happy to help out.

We should start off by issuing a warning that playing the stock market can be a nasty and addictive habit, so please try to invest responsibly.
Know when it is time to walk away. Or in this case - run away. Run away quickly - whilst embezzling as much as you possibly can into your off shore bank accounts

Remember, there is also a lot of stigma attached to investing..

e.g. “He was a bit of a heavy investor. Often we would miss meals in the evening cause he had spent the week’s pay on blue chips – and you can’t eat those. Not even fried. Believe me we tried.”.

So, George, our best advice is to avoid chasing pipe dreams with the imaginary bulls and bears of the stock market, and to sink your money into real hard rippling horse flesh . Real hard rippling muscular horse flesh – with a little man sitting on top. Rather than investing in large multi zillion dollar organisations with an even littler man pulling the reigns to maximise his golden parachute.

Horse racing. A much safer investment. As any punter knows, when you are faced with an unexpected nasty bill, the best plan of action is to take a fraction of that amount down to the TAB, box up some trifectas and make the bill pay for itself. Easy

In your case, George, plonk the $700 billion on the nose on WEEKEND HUSSLER at $1.50 in the Turnbull. Those Darwin bookies keep boasting about taking big bets, so sure they will take you on. Pay off your debts and set your winnings aside for a rainy day when you are bored and feel like treating the missus by invading Iran. Else fund a bail out of all the accumulated toxic debt of Turf Deli subscribers after a season of following our tips – a lazy couple of billion should suffice nicely.

Hoofnote : We don’t like Mr Bush much – hence give him a dud tip.

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