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Turf Deli Dud Of The Week
Turf Deli BellyWhacker / Virulent Pests 17/02/01

For someone who is keen to point out Duds, there was no doubting who the biggest dud of the weekend was - the finger points firmly at Turf Deli.

Imagine Turf Deli, posed high above the pool on the 10 metre diving board, trying to look confident as he ponders the cold icy depths below. To the side, hoards of teenage girls giggle nervously, which had absolutely nothing to do with the skinny old runt about to take the plunge, but was a nice atmospheric effect anyway. A confident leap from the board, a graceful float through the air, a huge smack echoing through several adjoining suburbs as raw stomach flesh meets chlorinated H20. That's pretty much how things went on Saturday at the Carlyon Cup meeting.

Turf Deli's form on Saturday was the absolute pits. From 6 races, we managed NO winners on top, and NO winners in the top 3. Our $50 Betting Portfolio got back a big fat nothing (although the best bet ran 2nd, and the best roughie ran 5th, right in the finish).

The highlight of the day at Caulfield was, as always, the roving entertainment - no, not the employed clowns, men on stilts or kids activities - the entertainment at most Caulfield meetings these days is provided by the roving packs of competing bucks and hens nights which now call the lawns their home. Rather like the bats that have taken over the Botanical Gardens, this virulent pest is now everywhere and near impossible to remove. Urged on by alcohol and a pack mentality, we were treated, to not one, but two displays of naked manhood. One buffoon roamed commando style around the lawn for a good 10 to 15 mins, stopping to pose now and then and let his gut and all below hang out for the appreciative crowd, discovering a sudden desire to 'sing the national anthem' and making a foiled attempt to join in the mounting yard presentations for the main race (and we're sure the owners of the winner really appreciated having their moment of glory immortalised in such a manner).

Finally the Keystone Cops security guards slugged into sloth like action and made an intercept of this ape like creature as he climbed the stewards tower King Kong style. Meanwhile, a stone throw's away, the VATC are trying to promote the races as a fun day out with the kids…

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